


Safe

by golden_kimono



Series: DERACINE [4]
Category: Jrock, the GazettE
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Fairy Tale Elements, Fantasy, Future Reituki, Gen, Hermaphrodites, Nonbinary Character, Other, Pre-Relationship, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transformation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 15:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5933371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/golden_kimono/pseuds/golden_kimono
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ruki has been shunned as a result of their unwanted transformation, but is not alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Safe

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to [Blemish](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4970098); can be read on its own, but it won't make much sense. Written for the [hurt/comfort bingo](http://hc-bingo.livejournal.com/) on LJ, prompt: loss of home/shelter.

Ruki sighed and rolled their eyes upwards when rain penetrated the shelter. “Fantastic,” they muttered. Might as well go outside, seeing how it was just as wet out there as in here – grumbling under their breath, Ruki rubbed hair from their face and glanced around forlornly, unsure where to go next. Groaning, they sat down on the ground, resting against a tree, and hoped for the earth to swallow them whole.

Ever since the first physical changes, everything had gone downhill. Ruki had been quite successful at keeping the transformation a secret at first, excusing the pains as illness when anyone asked, but mostly simply trying to pretend nothing was wrong. When it came to their body, Ruki had tried to keep it hidden at all times, which meant no more swimming or bathing with everyone else, but it was a small price to pay if kept them with their family.

Of course there were questions, from friends and from Mei especially, but Ruki made up a story as an excuse: Reita had walked in on them bathing once and now they were just a little worried – a play on the truth and therefore easy to remember. Everyone had giggled and said they were sure Reita wouldn’t do so again and that it must’ve been an accident, but they agreed to give Ruki time to feel less uncomfortable.

Eventually, though, it became too much. Ruki had secretly been bathing in the cave, but hadn’t been as lucky as last time and was discovered by one of the other nymphs, who had spotted the new change in Ruki’s body easily.

From there, everything had become even more painful than the transformation itself.

Some of the nymphs had called Ruki a monster, had said they couldn’t use someone like this in their midst, and although Ruki insisted they were still the same as before, simply with something different between their legs (and, really, what did that matter?), even Mei and Ruki’s mother had eventually shied away, disturbed by this change and scared of the majority’s response to it.

It hadn’t taken long then for Ruki to be given a choice: leave or be forced to leave – and this latter option sounded much more ominous to Ruki. Pleading with family, friends, with the elder nymphs – none of it helped. Ruki had cried, which had been ignored, and had then gotten angry, which had made everyone even more determined to get rid of them. Mei had whispered apologies as tears ran down her cheeks when Ruki left, but she had been the only one to show any outward emotions.

Ruki didn’t hold it against her. Mei was a child. Perhaps she could’ve gotten used to Ruki as they were now, but it was too much to expect from her to stand up for her sibling. Had she been older, then maybe. As it was, Ruki was alone in the world, on their own for the first time ever. It was hard and the first few nights had been terrifying, but a few weeks had passed and Ruki felt more determined every day to survive, even if it were just to show the others that nothing was wrong with them.

At least they had accepted their new body. And although Ruki didn’t feel as though a mere physical change should make them no longer female, they didn’t _feel_ female any longer. Perhaps it was a consequence of the other nymphs being female and being shunned by them, perhaps it was simply a late realisation, but either way, Ruki felt more comfortable this way.

“You will catch a cold.”

Ruki shrugged, genuinely not bothered by something so minor, and avoided Reita’s eyes. They had been wondering when he’d show up, because undoubtedly he would’ve found out about Ruki’s fate by now. “I don’t care,” they murmured, wrapping their arms around their legs and gazing into the distance. An annoyed sigh was suppressed when Reita knelt down in front of them.

“I do.” Reita reached out and touched Ruki’s knee. “I heard what happened.” Of course. “I want to help you.”

Ruki chuckled darkly. “Unless you can undo everything, there’s no help for me. My own kind hate me, I can’t trust anyone else not to use me or hurt me… What’s the use of even trying anymore?”

“I can’t undo the past, but we can change your future,” Reita said kindly. “I have power myself, I don’t need yours, so I have no need to use you. Phoenixes don’t live to hurt or kill. And I could help you find others who can be trusted.”

Although Ruki wanted nothing more than to point out that there was really no reason to trust Reita, seeing how he may be an acquaintance but nothing more, they decided to keep their mouth shut. After all, Reita _was_ known for being trustworthy and, really, there wasn’t much else that could happen to Ruki at this point. It couldn’t hurt to hear him out, right?

“What do you have in mind?” Ruki asked softly.

Reita smiled gently. “I have friends who can look after you for now,” he explained. “You will have a place to stay and I can teach you how to control your powers. If you stay on your own, you won’t be safe.”

Ruki raised their eyebrows. “Who would I stay with?”

“One of my friends,” Reita explained quietly. “He is only interested in humans and his people rarely interfere with the rest of us, so you will be safe with him. And I will remain nearby if you wish.”

Ruki groaned and rubbed their temples, thinking over the offer. Reita didn’t seem like the type to play games and anyone he regarded as a friend must be alright; after all, he was friendly with plenty of creatures, but didn’t throw the term ‘friend’ around easily. It was worth a try, especially if Reita tried to stick around (as Ruki suspected he had been doing so far).

“Yeah, what the hell,” Ruki replied as they got to their feet, wrinkling their nose when they heard the squishy sound of the mud and hoping that Reita’s friend had some dry, clean clothes they could borrow. “Let’s go.”

What Ruki hadn’t expected was to be taken to a part of the forest they rarely visited, as there wasn’t much to find there for anyone but the inhabitants of the area. Conversation was virtually non-existent on the way, with Reita not speaking much anyway and Ruki not being in the mood to say anything, still hurt from the abandonment and now cold and wet as well.

“We’re here,” Reita suddenly said, nodding over at a small wooden cabin. He glanced over at Ruki, as though to check they were still okay with this, and Ruki nodded in return, offering a weak smile.

Barely any time passed between Reita’s knock on the door and it flinging open before them, revealing a kind, handsome face and a strong body.

“Reita, good to see you,” the newcomer said with a grin that lit up his face. Then he turned to Ruki and bowed politely. “And you must be Ruki, I’ve heard a lot about you. Come in, come in, you look like you could use the heat.”

Still blinking in confusion at the fact that this person apparently knew some things about them, Ruki nonetheless stepped inside, though not before glancing at an encouraging Reita. “And who are you?” Ruki asked, relieved to finally be somewhere with a proper shelter.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot to introduce myself!” The stranger looked almost worried as he closed the door behind them. “My name is Kai. It’s nice to meet you, Ruki.”

Ruki inclined their head. “Same.” They licked their lips and looked around the cabin, which looked nice enough. “Erm… Do you maybe have something to wear? I’m a bit…” They smiled apologetically and tugged at their clothes.

“Of course,” Kai said immediately, making his way to another room. “My stuff might be a bit big for you, but it should be fine until we can wash yours.”

“Not like I’m going anywhere anyway,” Ruki mumbled under their breath. At least Kai seemed alright, and for a temporary solution especially it didn’t seem too bad. “Where am I meant to sleep?” Ruki asked when Kai re-entered the room carrying some garments.

“Oh, the other room has another bed,” Kai explained. “Don’t worry, we won’t share. Unless you want to,” he joked. He glanced over at Reita and coughed awkwardly. “Which won’t happen, of course. Here,” he said as he handed Ruki the clothes. “You can get changed in there.”

Ruki accepted Kai’s clothes gratefully and excused themselves. They were just putting on their shirt when someone entered the room. “Fucking hell,” Ruki swore, quickly pulling down the item and glaring over at Reita, who had averted his eyes and whose cheeks had turned red. “Have you ever heard of privacy?!”

“No,” Kai called out from the main room.

“Sorry,” Reita muttered. “I wanted to check on you before I leave.”

“Wait, what?” Ruki furrowed their eyebrows. “What do you mean, you’re leaving? I thought you’d be looking over me?” Sure, initially they hadn’t been too sure about Reita, but he was someone Ruki actually felt somewhat safe around. Kai might seem nice enough, but at the end of the day, he was new, someone Ruki had literally just met, while they had known Reita even before their transformation.

“I will be right outside,” Reita promised. “I can watch over you there.”

“But… You don’t need much space, right? Not in phoenix form.” Ruki hated how desperate they sounded, but they didn’t want Reita to leave just yet.

Kai knocked on the doorframe. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, go on,” Ruki sighed. “I’m dressed.”

Even so, Kai only poked his head around the corner before actually entering the room. “I just wanted to say that I don’t mind if Reita stays,” he said kindly. “Ruki’s right: there’s plenty of room for your phoenix form, and I think I have a spare futon if you two want to share. You’ll be back here tomorrow morning anyway, right?”

Reita looked between them, then nodded slowly. “I suppose I could stay, if you both agree.”

“We do,” Kai said as Ruki nodded, which was how Ruki ended up under the covers with a giant bird on the bedside table, having what was likely the best sleep they had had in months, but whether it was simply exhaustion, the atmosphere or Reita’s presence, they would never be fully certain.

It was several days before Reita stopped spending every night with them, telling them he needed to be alone sometimes (something Kai and Ruki could both respect, and with Ruki having determined they could trust Kai a bit more now, it wasn’t too big of a deal). Every day, though, Reita was there to take Ruki to help control the newfound nymph powers, his own strength making it unnecessary for him to be scared and his life experience making him the perfect candidate to know how to handle this.

Meanwhile, Kai and Ruki had grown closer as well, with Ruki eventually admitting to Kai exactly what had happened, as Reita had kept things mostly vague, simply asking for a place to stay for a friend who was having a rough time and had nowhere else to be.

Ruki liked Kai. Between him and Reita, they had found comfort, and even though Ruki knew very well they couldn’t stay here forever, knowing they weren’t necessarily alone, this was a huge help. That didn’t mean they didn’t still miss their original home with a vengeance, of course. Especially Mei… Ruki missed their little sister, but knew it was much too soon to chance a return to the nymphs to check up on her. Reita, however, had done so a few times and kept them up to date; so far it seemed not much had changed, although Mei appeared more demure than before.

Through it all, Ruki had had plenty of time to think. One day, when they were lying on Kai’s bed together, Ruki finally spoke up on something that had been on their mind for a while.

“I think…” Ruki sighed and stared up at the wooden beams. “I think I don’t want to be a girl.”

“What do you mean?” Kai asked curiously, though without judgement.

“I just- I haven’t felt like one for a while, and I’ve been trying to hold on to it, but…” Being a woman was a reminder of the nymph world, and that was definitely no longer part of Ruki’s world. Ruki had been sticking to ‘they’ in their head to not completely let go of that identity, though really, that didn’t feel right either. “Maybe I’m a boy?”

Kai remained silent for a few moments, then turned on his side and looked over at Ruki. “Having a penis doesn’t make you a boy,” he pointed out, “if that’s why you think so. But if you genuinely feel like you _are_ male, then that’s possible. I’ve been among humans long enough to know there are many different genders and sexes.” He leaned up on his elbow and looked down at Ruki thoughtfully. “A male nymph… Why not?”

“I’m already enough of a freak anyway, right?” Ruki said bitterly.

“You’re not a freak,” Kai scolded, narrowing his eyes. “I stay away from non-humans, but if you _were_ human, I’d be all over you right now. Male, female, both, neither, other, all; it shouldn’t matter. And to me, it truly doesn’t.”

Ruki bit their lip and stared into Kai’s eyes, mentally thanking Reita for choosing Kai to stay with. “You’re pretty cool,” he determined, making the other laugh.

“So are you,” Kai grinned. “Reita thinks so too, he won’t shut up about you.” He paused and frowned. “Well… He doesn’t talk much, but, you know, when he does. He’s been worried about you and he doesn’t worry a lot.”

“Why would he worry?”

Kai rolled his eyes and nudged Ruki’s shoulder with his own. “I’ll pretend you didn’t just ask me that. Hell, if I’d known your full situation from the start, _I_ would’ve been worried, and I hadn’t even met you back then. Reita is fine on his own, no one will mess with him, but you… You didn’t know your powers yet, you’re a nymph; others might have underestimated you.” He leaned his head on Ruki’s chest (something Ruki had learned quickly was that incubi were clingy, or at least Kai was). “I’m happy you’re safe.”

“Me too,” Ruki whispered.

It wasn’t home and it never would be, and of course no one could ever replace Mei, but Reita and Kai accepted Ruki as… well, Ruki. And as they lay there, basically cuddling, with the knowledge that Reita wasn’t far and looking over them, Ruki felt more at peace than they had thought they could be just a week or two ago.

“Thank you.”


End file.
